The Most Existential Post Ever

I wrote it here. You read it here. Neither one of us was actually here.







Did I just blow your mind dude?









Wait! Don't go yet! I didnt mean it, there's more to the post!

This was all meant to illustrate a point. That point is the frequency with which young drug users are fed misinformation, which they then carry with them the rest of their life. Having formerly been (emphasis on formerly) a card-carrying member of the college/drug counterculture, I can tell you that despite the fact that a stoner will refer to existentialism about twenty times during a conversation, he/she will have no idea what it means. One might think this is an isolated problem, but people are overlooking the drug-induced, faux-intellectual epidemic sweeping our country’s youth.
Before we go on lets clarify one or two things about the drug community. Having not dealt with them personally, I have to exclude injection drug users and pill community from our conversation. Sorry guys, keep reading though. My next post is probably going to be on the importance of sterilized needles and what to do when you’re caught at a rave with no pacifier. Moving on. As I see it, there are three major branches of the stoner community that most people will fit into.
1) The College Stoner – Didn’t smoke before college, won’t smoke after college. However during college…wooo! These people will smoke anything that happens to be on fire at the time. They aren’t interested in drug culture though and temper their drug abuse with a healthy dose of alcohol abuse. When they get older they’ll get married, have kids, then yell at the kids for smoking pot.
2) The Life-Long Stoner – These people will most likely be buried in a casket made of hemp. They started smoking before freshmen year in high school and haven’t looked back since. You can tell these people apart from most because they are skinny, wear clothes that smell like if Petuli and weed had a baby, don scraggly facial hair (if male), there is a 60% chance they have dreadlocks and they are in the process of handing you a PETA pamphlet. The Life-long stoner has accepted weed not just as a drug but as a lifestyle, and will probably end up owning some property in Vermont, selling homemade crafts (candles, preserves, wood-carvings) to yuppies at craft fairs.
3) The “Learned” Stoner – This is the problem group that’s disseminating misinformation across an impressionable young stoner community. These are people who consciously decide to mix a mind-numbing drug and dense scholarly material. They started smoking pot to gain a measure of individualism, but still wanted to believe they were better than most people. At some point in their college career they’ll talk about expatriating to France because of America’s “moralistic hegemony,” but won’t because they don’t speak French and are cowards. The Learned Stoner has never played a sport for more than a year but has no problem labeling everyone that enjoys sports as plebeians. Their greatest crime however is their abuse of knowledge. They’ll pick up the works of Kant, Kafka, Nietzsche, and Kierkegaard without a teacher to guide them and try to interpret it through their juvenile, drug-addled mind. You might ask, “Why do you hate this group so much?” My answer is simple. They enjoy the idea of being intelligent more than they enjoy actual intelligence. That and they frequently misquote Voltaire. Voltaire deserves better than these douche bags.
Perhaps the best argument against weed is that it will bring your children in contact with group 3. However, I still hold strong to my belief that the most harmful substance in this world is ignorance. Keep your kids ignorance free or they might grow up one day and vote for someone like George W. Bush